Some guy from work told me I should check this comedian, Russell Peters, out. Man...his shit is freakin' hilarious! To boot, dude is from Canadia! NO DOOT ABOOT IT!!! Judge for yourself....
ASIANS
BEAT YOUR KIDS
INDIAN ACCENTS
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Saturday, September 1, 2007
Make One Move, and the Camel Gets It!
Maria,
I have kidnapped your furry friend, Mr. Camel Toe.
Deliver the money, or I will serve your friend at my next BBQ!
*insert sinister laugh*
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Facebook Notes
It's a given why our blog crew has been slow...and it rhymes with spacewook. A simple check of my status will update you anyway.
Speaking of 'status'....you gotta love it when people don't understand (or maybe forget) the syntax of the status bar when updating it. How awesome is it when you read that your friend "is loves my girlfriend", or "is needs to relax". Wow. (note to Lili: You get a freebee for 'Lili is "had a bad day"...inside joke) ;)
Another thing that makes me cringe is when people wear their hearts on their status bar. Good gawd...is it necessary to announce to your 300 friends that you're dying from your breakup? Drama queens create awkward moments in person...FB just gives them a medium to do this with a larger group. Nobody likes a status bar drama queen. Maria, can you imagine that 'Birch Run' incident if we had FB back in the day? (i.e. Ferrari is wanting to scratch someone's eyes out...but will jump out of the car and start walking the 100 miles home instead!). (note: Ferrari is a pseudonym for an ex-gf of mine, who is named after a different foreign automobile.)
It's hilarious that each application on FB is being one-upped by other applications. Someone mentioned this before, but is it really necessary to have a SUPERwall or a SUPERpoke as opposed to just a regular one? Don't use that regular wall, because apparently that just isn't good enough! If anything needs to be supersized, someone should figure out how to create the SUPER Happy Hour application!
Lastly....why couldn't I have invented Facebook? I sure as hell wouldn't have turned down the one billion buh to sell it!
~Ditty of the week...I heart 'sausage wallet'.
Speaking of 'status'....you gotta love it when people don't understand (or maybe forget) the syntax of the status bar when updating it. How awesome is it when you read that your friend "is loves my girlfriend", or "is needs to relax". Wow. (note to Lili: You get a freebee for 'Lili is "had a bad day"...inside joke) ;)
Another thing that makes me cringe is when people wear their hearts on their status bar. Good gawd...is it necessary to announce to your 300 friends that you're dying from your breakup? Drama queens create awkward moments in person...FB just gives them a medium to do this with a larger group. Nobody likes a status bar drama queen. Maria, can you imagine that 'Birch Run' incident if we had FB back in the day? (i.e. Ferrari is wanting to scratch someone's eyes out...but will jump out of the car and start walking the 100 miles home instead!). (note: Ferrari is a pseudonym for an ex-gf of mine, who is named after a different foreign automobile.)
It's hilarious that each application on FB is being one-upped by other applications. Someone mentioned this before, but is it really necessary to have a SUPERwall or a SUPERpoke as opposed to just a regular one? Don't use that regular wall, because apparently that just isn't good enough! If anything needs to be supersized, someone should figure out how to create the SUPER Happy Hour application!
Lastly....why couldn't I have invented Facebook? I sure as hell wouldn't have turned down the one billion buh to sell it!
~Ditty of the week...I heart 'sausage wallet'.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
I'll Take Mish Mash for 500, Alex
~ I have a new summer guilty pleasure. It's called The Singing Bee. It's hosted by Joey Fatone (pronounced FAT-WUN), and contestants have to karAoke (hi mari'er!) the lyrics correctly after the band stops playing. It's funny because I am THE WORST at mistaking (let alone remembering) lyrics. While Lili, on the other hand, can rattle off the words to any rock or classic song no problem. Although, she did once think that Gwen Stefani was singing, "Cause I ain't no harlem black girl. Cause I ain't no Harlem black girl". Needless to say, we have a hoot watching this show.
~ Speaking of bees...About a month ago, I ended up switching channels between The National Spelling Bee and Game 5 of the Pistons/Cavaliers playoff series. I have to admit, the spelling bee is quite tense and nerve-racking. I can only imagine how I would cope if that was my kid up there. The winner was quite an eccentric character (to say the least). He's a cross between Good Will Hunting, Akeelah, and Rain Man. I hate him.
~ I'm looking forward to driving up north in August. It's my friends' and our 2nd annual Couple Golf/Wine Weekend Retreat. Last year we did White Oaks Resort in the Niagara Falls region. This year we rented a 5 bedroom chalet atop Blue Mountain (not to be mistaken with Brokeback) in Collingwood with a few other fellow yuppie-couple friends. It's a fun time. I can see someone misinterpreting this as a 'swingers' outing. Well....mayyyybe. ;p High-five to my main squeeze, Lili, who got us a $200 discount by flashing her titties to the owner. That's my girl!!!
~ On a serious note...I was extremely enraged to hear that two of my friends (from my theatre group of friends) were jumped outside a Gay Bar last Saturday. One of my friends was walking his girl friend to her car, when out of nowhere 2 guys (hopped up on drugs) attacked him. They were actually going to punch the girl, but he purposely stepped in the way to protect her. His partner (I'll call him D), waiting 15 feet away, bolted over and, to say the least, took care of matters. The attackers picked the wrong guys to bash, because D is a 3rd degree black belt in Martial Arts and had fought in the Olympics. He had so much rage, that he smashed one of the guys faces off a set of nearby railroad tracks and threw him down a hill. He then gave a karate high kick to the other guys face, and the punk took off.
D had ran back to his truck and was literally going to run those guys over and kill them, but some other people stopped him from going too far (personally, I would have run them over too). This is the justice or positive swing to the story (other than my friends not having any serious injuries), but what gets me is that the bouncers and bar owner did absolutely nothing to help, and the cops took 40 mins to arrive on the scene. The police and EMS weren't even professional about the matter. They lauded D for his fighting skills, but they didn't defuse the situation very well and made inappropriate comments (i.e "oh, it took us long to arrive because we were on our lunch"...nice!). I can't believe all the different levels of bigotry that still goes on. It's sad, really.
~ I can't finish my blog entry with a negative, so I'll go on with another anecdote...
I Finally saw Transformers last weekend ("finally"?...it had only been out for 5 days). [ have you noticed I 'Inner Monologue alot?? That, and abuse the "..." way too much]. ANyways, where was I? Oh yeah...Transformers was flippin AMAZING! Cheesy cliches and Armageddon moments aside, this movie rocked the mic right! I wasn't looking for depth of characters or story line, I was just looking to enjoy the action scenes, mixed in with cool cars, hot chicks, and tongue-in-cheek humour. It was awesome. Lili had a special connection to this movie that was close to her heart. Back in the day, far removed from her current Mercedes-lexus having ways, when she was a wanker (i.e. big haired, Metallica lovin, rock-on finger pointer with tongue wagging, lighter waving, rocker chick), she owned a Camaro. I still tease her and call it an IROC (Italian Reject Out Cruising or International Ride of Chaledeans), but she defends the love for her old Chevy. She was quite disappointed when she looked into test driving a Camaro, and found out that it was only a proto-type at this point. But she does lose BIG TIME cool points, cuz after the movie she asked me a question about "Opus" and "Jazzy". WTF???!!!
~ Speaking of bees...About a month ago, I ended up switching channels between The National Spelling Bee and Game 5 of the Pistons/Cavaliers playoff series. I have to admit, the spelling bee is quite tense and nerve-racking. I can only imagine how I would cope if that was my kid up there. The winner was quite an eccentric character (to say the least). He's a cross between Good Will Hunting, Akeelah, and Rain Man. I hate him.
~ I'm looking forward to driving up north in August. It's my friends' and our 2nd annual Couple Golf/Wine Weekend Retreat. Last year we did White Oaks Resort in the Niagara Falls region. This year we rented a 5 bedroom chalet atop Blue Mountain (not to be mistaken with Brokeback) in Collingwood with a few other fellow yuppie-couple friends. It's a fun time. I can see someone misinterpreting this as a 'swingers' outing. Well....mayyyybe. ;p High-five to my main squeeze, Lili, who got us a $200 discount by flashing her titties to the owner. That's my girl!!!
~ On a serious note...I was extremely enraged to hear that two of my friends (from my theatre group of friends) were jumped outside a Gay Bar last Saturday. One of my friends was walking his girl friend to her car, when out of nowhere 2 guys (hopped up on drugs) attacked him. They were actually going to punch the girl, but he purposely stepped in the way to protect her. His partner (I'll call him D), waiting 15 feet away, bolted over and, to say the least, took care of matters. The attackers picked the wrong guys to bash, because D is a 3rd degree black belt in Martial Arts and had fought in the Olympics. He had so much rage, that he smashed one of the guys faces off a set of nearby railroad tracks and threw him down a hill. He then gave a karate high kick to the other guys face, and the punk took off.
D had ran back to his truck and was literally going to run those guys over and kill them, but some other people stopped him from going too far (personally, I would have run them over too). This is the justice or positive swing to the story (other than my friends not having any serious injuries), but what gets me is that the bouncers and bar owner did absolutely nothing to help, and the cops took 40 mins to arrive on the scene. The police and EMS weren't even professional about the matter. They lauded D for his fighting skills, but they didn't defuse the situation very well and made inappropriate comments (i.e "oh, it took us long to arrive because we were on our lunch"...nice!). I can't believe all the different levels of bigotry that still goes on. It's sad, really.
~ I can't finish my blog entry with a negative, so I'll go on with another anecdote...
I Finally saw Transformers last weekend ("finally"?...it had only been out for 5 days). [ have you noticed I 'Inner Monologue alot?? That, and abuse the "..." way too much]. ANyways, where was I? Oh yeah...Transformers was flippin AMAZING! Cheesy cliches and Armageddon moments aside, this movie rocked the mic right! I wasn't looking for depth of characters or story line, I was just looking to enjoy the action scenes, mixed in with cool cars, hot chicks, and tongue-in-cheek humour. It was awesome. Lili had a special connection to this movie that was close to her heart. Back in the day, far removed from her current Mercedes-lexus having ways, when she was a wanker (i.e. big haired, Metallica lovin, rock-on finger pointer with tongue wagging, lighter waving, rocker chick), she owned a Camaro. I still tease her and call it an IROC (Italian Reject Out Cruising or International Ride of Chaledeans), but she defends the love for her old Chevy. She was quite disappointed when she looked into test driving a Camaro, and found out that it was only a proto-type at this point. But she does lose BIG TIME cool points, cuz after the movie she asked me a question about "Opus" and "Jazzy". WTF???!!!
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Montreal VS Sydney
Lili and I were in Montreal last weekend. I must say, I have never had a bad time there. My friends are tres excellente. They really know how to show us a good time and get us to experience the great vibe of Montreal. Highlights included a housewarming party with a zillion different wines to taste, followed by 3am drunk golfing at a 24 hour, stadium-lighted course. It's pretty crazy walking off the 9th hole as the sun is rising. Lili spent 4 1/2 hours getting her hair chemically straightened, while I enjoyed the most amazing 1 hour massage by my Russian masseuse, Okzana. No, there wasn't any 'happy ending' (hi, Rhands!). But, I did euphorically gaze at the ceiling after my massage and wondered, "what the hell are those hand rails doing up there??". I guess I overlooked that added option on the spa price list. Old Montreal at night is a blast, especially in the summer time. Everyone is out drinking and dining on different terasses (yes, pronounce 'tur-ASS'...hi, Ray!). The pastries are sick. Thank God, I'm not a diabetic yet. We even saw the 'Body Worlds 2' exhibit at their Science Centre (that's some crazy shit right there). It's just too bad that I didn't retain much of the french I learned in school. It would have come in handy. It's weird being a foreigner in your own country. Here's a few sites from Montreal:
AMAZING patisseries that could put you into a diabetic coma. The chocalitines or chocolate croissants are dynamite!
Me and my $1.50 mini gelato cone. I ordered 3.
The famous Basillique Notre Dame
Taking a stroll in Old Montreal
The girls enjoying 11am Lechee Sangrias on the terrasse (terrace in English)at Jardin Nelson in Old Montreal.
Maria, do you have a long-lost brother in Montreal that we don't know about???Well, I decided to do a comparison of Montreal, Canada and Sydney, Australia. I find these two places to be quite similar. I have great friends in both cities, and if I had the chance to, I'd definitely live in either of the two.
| | | |
| Friends | Wonderful, good natured, goofy, fun, adventurous, hospitable. My friends here call me Brox. | Ditto…or, Une Ditto. Except, my friends here call me Bro (Chris is already taken, and gets very confusing) |
| Alcohol consumption | Wine lovers. They drink on days ending in ‘day’. They say, “Cheers, mate!” (or is that Cheese tart?). Bunch of fuckin’ drunks. hehehe. | Also wine lovers. Best sangrias, ever! “Happy Hour is anytime you want it to be”. They say, “Salute!” Un paquet de drunks…tabernac! Honh honh honh. |
| Food | Ethnic food abound. Australian meatpies and sausage rolls kick Chuck Norris’ ass. | Very European. Tonnes of bistros. There is no chocolate croissant better outside of |
| Landscape | Located in tropical weather and next to the ocean, how can you go wrong? Absolutely breathtaking. | Very charming, warm, old-European feel (cobblestone roads and all). |
| Hospitality | Very, very welcoming. With ‘no worries’ or ‘no dramas’ as their mottos, everyone is so laid back and easy going. People say that Canadians are generally nicer than Americans, but Australians are even nicer than Canadians. They specialize in customer service. | Some of the francophones are a bit snooty towards the Anglophones, especially from |
| Fashion | Like their attitudes, very laid back. Jeans and nice top is the common wear. You’ll also feel out of place without your thongs (flip-flops) or Tevas. | Everyone and their moms are dressed so damn chic here. I’d go broke if I lived here and tried to keep up with the fashion styles. Most lineups at clubs look like a Zoolander movie. |
| $$$ | Even though my CDN dollar is worth more, mostly everything is much more expensive. I’m not used to spending 10 bucks on toast and coffee (aka Turkish Pide and a Flat White). | Same currency, and very reasonable for a metropolitan city. Sales tax in |
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
My 80's Celeb Crushes
No, although the title might suggest it, I do not have a crush on Bea Arthur from the Golden Girls. This is a list of celebrity women/girls from the 1980's that I had 'big time' crushes on ('big time' is such a honky term, eh?). I don't even think I was old enough to whack-off to most of the girls on my list...with the exception of Alyssa Milano, of course. She was in my palm...err...my heart well into the 90's. Anyways, at the time of my infatuations with these girls, I would save any picture I could find (i.e. from Tiger Beat, People, or Pop magazines) and put them up in my room, or on my school binders. I used to dream that they would be my girlfriend. I fantasized that we would neck, I would squeeze their IBT's, and we would give each other hickeys n' shit. Like I said, I hadn't quite reached complete puberty with most of these crushes, therefore I think I only wet dreamed Alyssa.
In no particular order or ranking:
Mary Lou Retton: The summer of 1984 was golden. I remember having vivid dreams about her being my girl. It wasn't until later on in life, that I realized she was basically a disproportionate midget.
Sheila E. : I loved 'Love Bizarre' and my first latina crush. She could bang on my drum anyday.
Marta Marerro: Kids Incorporated was never the same after she left. And the crush wore off by the time she became Martika.
Winnie Cooper: Girl next door syndrome. She's Winnie fucking Cooper...'nuff said!
Alyssa Milano: If I had to rate my #1 crush of all time...it would have to be Samantha Micelli. She was the girlfriend every pre-pubescent teen wanted.
In no particular order or ranking:
Mary Lou Retton: The summer of 1984 was golden. I remember having vivid dreams about her being my girl. It wasn't until later on in life, that I realized she was basically a disproportionate midget. Sheila E. : I loved 'Love Bizarre' and my first latina crush. She could bang on my drum anyday. Marta Marerro: Kids Incorporated was never the same after she left. And the crush wore off by the time she became Martika. Winnie Cooper: Girl next door syndrome. She's Winnie fucking Cooper...'nuff said! Alyssa Milano: If I had to rate my #1 crush of all time...it would have to be Samantha Micelli. She was the girlfriend every pre-pubescent teen wanted.Tuesday, June 5, 2007
Odds & Ends
Facebook: I joined a couple of weeks ago. I'm not really into contacting people I hardly see, unless I really want to touch base with them. There are heaps of acquaintances that I know on here that I haven't bothered adding as a friend. If they add me, they add me. If not, oh well. No wonder when I did the Heroes personality quiz I ended up being Jessica....the two faced bitch. HA!
Detroit Pistons: I swear I need an Ativan to watch this team play. They never seem to beat anybody handily, and they always have to do things the hard way. It's stressful to be a Pistons fan. Lili hates how I get when I watch a Pistons game and they are losing. I get all zoned out and quiet. My responses are quite terse and I tip the scales on the 'tude meter. Sorry Lili! Lili, btw, is completely enamored with Carlos Delfino (who, I admit, has a great head of hair), and is obsessed with the giant Pistons floor swiffer they use to clean up the sweat (she wants one for the house). Anyways, the season is over now for Detroit as they got their asses served to them by Lebron James and some Cavs. It'll definitely be interesting to see the changes to the roster by next season. I can't wait to "watch NBA" next season! (Hi, Ray!...bahahaha!).
HEROES: NBC Heroes season 1 finished several weeks ago. Most people I talked to about the season finale were disappointed with the way it was presented. I guess I'm just easy to please then...I loved it! Then again, I'm not a comic book and sci-fi geek like some people I know *coughguiaocough*. I decided that if I could be on any TV show, Heroes would be it. Even if that meant having some jacked up Hero power, like the ability to touch my elbows behind my back and wipe my ass at the same time, then getting killed by Sylar in the first minute...I'd do it.
SUMMER Reality TV: This means only 1 thing...So You Think You Can Dance [shoo-be-do-be-dance-dance]. Without trying to sound TOO gay, this is the only show I care for during the summer months (okay..maybe a touch of Hell's Kitchen too). Cat Deeley is hot. The dance routines are killer (I like stealing the salsa moves...now I'm sounding gay). And the rest of the shows are garbage. The FCC should have laws against shitty reality shows like America Has Talent, The Next Best Thing, and House of Carters.
Detroit Pistons: I swear I need an Ativan to watch this team play. They never seem to beat anybody handily, and they always have to do things the hard way. It's stressful to be a Pistons fan. Lili hates how I get when I watch a Pistons game and they are losing. I get all zoned out and quiet. My responses are quite terse and I tip the scales on the 'tude meter. Sorry Lili! Lili, btw, is completely enamored with Carlos Delfino (who, I admit, has a great head of hair), and is obsessed with the giant Pistons floor swiffer they use to clean up the sweat (she wants one for the house). Anyways, the season is over now for Detroit as they got their asses served to them by Lebron James and some Cavs. It'll definitely be interesting to see the changes to the roster by next season. I can't wait to "watch NBA" next season! (Hi, Ray!...bahahaha!).
HEROES: NBC Heroes season 1 finished several weeks ago. Most people I talked to about the season finale were disappointed with the way it was presented. I guess I'm just easy to please then...I loved it! Then again, I'm not a comic book and sci-fi geek like some people I know *coughguiaocough*. I decided that if I could be on any TV show, Heroes would be it. Even if that meant having some jacked up Hero power, like the ability to touch my elbows behind my back and wipe my ass at the same time, then getting killed by Sylar in the first minute...I'd do it.
SUMMER Reality TV: This means only 1 thing...So You Think You Can Dance [shoo-be-do-be-dance-dance]. Without trying to sound TOO gay, this is the only show I care for during the summer months (okay..maybe a touch of Hell's Kitchen too). Cat Deeley is hot. The dance routines are killer (I like stealing the salsa moves...now I'm sounding gay). And the rest of the shows are garbage. The FCC should have laws against shitty reality shows like America Has Talent, The Next Best Thing, and House of Carters.
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